The Doctor Is In

I was going to start my blogging experience with the present but decided that the past helped mold the person I am today. I will go back to where my "disorder" began. I was born in New York and was the second son born to my parents. Two more boys were born and our family of six was complete. My father wasn't your typical dad who sat around on Sunday's and read the paper. He was the type of man who would get outraged if a bed wasn't made right or there was a dish in the sink. Military dad was far from kind and even farther from being a parent. My mother was the doting wife who would have dinner on the table at 5 P.M. every night. She even ironed our socks. My eldest brother was the quintessential do-gooder. Perfect in school and the best football player my parents had ever seen. I was everything my father detested. I didn't do well in school and I didn't want to play football. I saw my father watching television one night and it landed on a hockey game. He told me that only fuck ups played hockey because they weren't strong enough to play football. So I was drawn to hockey from that second on. Anything that pissed him off I was all for. My father was an abusive prick and in the end my mother and father divorced. This is where things gets worse. My father being that predictable prick couldn't see my mother keep all four kids. A judge split custody of the four kids. Two to my mom and two to my father. We would switch for vacations and holidays. I would rarely see my two other brothers. I turned 15 and thought the world was mine. I was slowly taking my father out of my life. Fuck what the court had to say and fuck what my father had to say. I had lived as his punching bag for 15 full years and I was done with it. He didn't care that I was making a quick exit since I was the experiment gone wrong. I decided then was the time to get into some shit that maybe wasn't the best for any 15 year old. Pot was a savior in some ways. It gave me a feeling of euphoria, something that at that point I needed desperately. If I could get that feeling from pot I knew I could get different feelings from different drugs. I started my rounds of smoking, inhaling, or snorting anything that made me feel like someone else. It got to the point that while I was fucking someone I was stopping constantly to take a hit of any drug that was near me. I was such a catch! My life spiraled a little from there. Suicide attempts, a pregnancy, an abortion, detox, therapy, failed relationships and the list goes on and on. By the time I was 18 my life was back on track. It was still far from perfect but it fit my new style. I moved out of my house and dormed for four years. I didn't know what to do with my life but somehow my father helped me pick. Remembering back to when I was little I used to say I wanted to be a doctor. On que my father bashed that dream by telling me that I was worthless or stupid. Checking off the pre-med box was one of the greatest days in my life. I knew I was going to have to work for it and here I am a doctor. I had some bumps but I am here writing this story. I would have loved to start my blog off with something funny or witty but that's not what came to mind first. I had to tell my story so anything that I do write from here on makes perfect sense. I have a fucked up life and an even crazier fucked up family. Sometime I wish I grew up differently but than I would be different. No, I am not your typical doctor but I know who I am and where I am going in life.